I’ve lived a few tough days in my life.
Here are just a few: September 26, 1986, the day the wreckage of my dad’s airplane was discovered and our wait to know his fate was over (as was his life); May 4, 2006, the day my mom suffered a massive stroke and doctors gave her less than 48 hours to live (she actually died a few hours later as I was rushing to Utah to see her one last time before she passed away); March 18, 2009, the day Shawn Merriman (my then-husband) informed me his business was a sham, that he had been running a Ponzi scheme since approximately 1994, that he had turned himself in to authorities, that he was headed to prison for a long time, that all of our assets were seized and I was left with nothing and left alone to raise our four children; and July 13, 2009, the day my divorce was final and I left Colorado for Utah to pick up the pieces and begin a new life.
Although there are a few other “miscellaneous” hard days I’ve endured, the above four days come to mind when I think of difficult days I’ve lived.
A few months ago I was struck by the realization of how much I’ve learned over the past year–things of a spiritual nature, things about myself and what I am capable of, things about people and humanity and life in general. So many things I have learned.
I realized I am grateful for every single thing I have learned. Even the hard stuff.
And I was shocked to realize I feel the lessons I’ve learned are worth the price I have paid.
I never imagined (especially during 2009) I would ever be able to say that or feel this way but I do. In fact, I would do it all over again. I would go through everything I’ve experienced again to learn what I have learned and to get where I am today. The lessons have been that valuable to me.
Mark Twain was right: “If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.” That’s true of life, too! Especially the unexpected life.
I believe that in life, when we’re holding that tail firmly in our grasp because there is nothing else we can do, and if we do our best to keep pressing forward through all of the noise, claws and pain, and if we can be humble and introspective and attempt to learn all we can and to better ourselves while enduring the challenges rather than question, “Why me? Why is this happening to me?” and, “If only,” we will come to the same realization Mark Twain did.
We will learn things we cannot learn any other way. We’ll be better for having learned them. And hopefully, we will be grateful for what we have learned and the growth we have achieved. I believe that is one purpose of the unexpected life.
And not that we’d want to, but “If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we’d all be millionaires!” (Abigail Van Buren) A fun way to look at the lessons (and their value to us) in an unexpected life.
Another lesson I’ve learned is this: “Today was a difficult day. Tomorrow will be better.” (Kevin Henkes, “Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse”)
It really will.
so many of a difficult days are linked. i guess those are the bonds of family, huh? love you so much!!
Yes, and glad my terrible days are in the past and that you don’t have to share them with me or worry about NEARLY as much anymore! love you too:)
Hi Andrea,
I so enjoy getting your blog updates in my email every day. Your posts are such a great blend of humor and inspiration. I am giving a talk in church on Sunday on dealing with adversity and wondered if I could use your post from today as part of it.
Absolutely! Always happy to share! Thanks for reading my blog, and good luck in your talk Sunday!
I feel so blessed to call both of you lovely ladies “FAMILY”!
OXOXOX
Thanks! We feel the same way!
WOW Andrea! I thought I’d endured alot over the past couple years. I had no idea! You are obviously a very strong woman, and I am sure an amazing mother! God bless you and your family!
It is so good to hear from my old neighbor! Who would have thought, when we were just little girls growing up on Paradise Drive, that so much was in store for all of us? (I admit, I’m thankful I didn’t see the challenges coming!:)
Thanks for reading and commenting. I don’t know how strong I am, but I know I’m not a quitter! Lol. Thanks for the kind wishes. I hope you and your family are well.
Andrea,
On a personal note, I just wanted to say how much I related with what you said, “…how much I’ve learned over the past year–things of a spiritual nature, things about myself and what I am capable of, things about people and humanity and life in general.
I realized I am grateful for every single thing I have learned. Even the hard stuff.”
I don’t know about you, but I know in my case I never would have learned what I have learned without going through the things I have been through and I thank God for those things. Even the hard ones.
I absolutely agree. I never would have chosen them, and they were a nightmare in many ways, but now that I’m on the other side of a lot of it and can look back and see all I’ve learned and to see what an actual blessing they are to me, I am thankful to have been blessed with them. I toured the Mormon Batallion museum in San Diego earlier in the spring and as part of the presentation it said something about how sometimes God requires we pass through impossibly hard circumstances to get where He needs us to be (talking about how the Mormon Batallion’s experience was incredibly difficult, etc…but it got them to Utah) and I realized, in that moment, the same thing had happened to me! I’d passed through incredibly difficult things, but it took that to get me where I needed to be. (And it was even Utah! Lol) Thanks for reading and sharing.
Andrea,
I had no idea any of this had happened. I did wonder why we had not received a Christmas card the last few years as you were always so good about sending them. I am so sorry for you, Shawn and your kids. I just found out two days ago, saw it on the internet, and I have been sick to my stomach ever since.
From reading some of your blog, I found out that Sandy had passed away. Wow, I let my folks know, they had no idea. Nice that she gets to be with your Dad again, I bet it was a happy reunion.
It also sounds like your whole family has been through Hell. I am happy to read that Shawn confessed (didn’t get caught-takes alot of guts) and tried to make things right. I know those who lost money may not feel that way, but I know that everything comes from God (Wealth, Talents, etc) and that we have to put our trust and faith in him to take care of us. I do know that God cares about our souls and I am really proud of Shawn for being the one to confess and try to make things right. We all came to this earth to make mistakes, learn and hopefully become a better people.
I am glad to hear that you and your beautiful children have adjusted so well and you have actually remarried again. Good for you and I wish you much happiness! I am sending my love and prayers to you and your kids. Please convey my message of love and acceptance of Shawn to him and let him know that my thoughts and prayers are with him as well.
Tori, SO GOOD to hear from you! I’m glad you found us. Yes, we have been through some challenges, but are doing well. Thank you, also, for sharing your perspective of life and for your kind comments about Shawn–I will pass them on as I am able. Yes, the kids and I are doing well and appreciate your love and prayers on our behalf. I’ll email you privately:)