I finally had the age issue under control but had yet to utter the two words that would change everything and take my unexpected life in a completely different and unexpected direction. Verbalizing those two words made me nervous. I continued to hold out.
One night I asked Bachelor #5 how he was so calm about everything.” Nothing seemed to phase him–not my former spouse residing in jail, not four additional children (including a four-year-old), not my devastated financial situation, not the potential challenge of blending two families. He was always patient, calm and optimistic around me and THAT gave me confidence, courage and hope. Although I try to be optimistic, there is a part of me that worries. I needed to know why Bachelor #5 didn’t seem to be worried. He shared his reason with me.
He told me he didn’t know how he met me! (Duh. Even I knew the answer to that one: online.) He clarified, “No. You were NOTHING I was looking for. I don’t know how I found you.” And THAT is why he wasn’t worried? That screams romance like nothing else. You can imagine how well that went over with me so he hurriedly explained the dating philosophy he had lived by since his divorce.
Because the trend was that men date down a decade, and he’d never been a fan or follower of fads, he intentionally looked for women 48 years and older; women his age. (He had also been married to someone older than him the first time.) Because his children were mostly raised, he looked for women whose children were grown. He also looked for a singer or an actress, someone who would understand his passion to participate in theater and possibly join him there. (In case anyone is keeping track, I am none of those things!)
When I asked him if I had met ANY of his criteria, he said yes, “You lived in Utah County. I would not have dated you if you hadn’t lived in Utah County.”
Of all criteria a man could judge by, I’d never anticipated that one. Not ever. (Of course, I’m not from Utah. And over the past year, I have seen the passion many residents feel for their great state–some of which even extends to Utah County residents who love it so much they wouldn’t consider living anywhere else.) After everything I’d ever imagined being judged for, height, weight, outer beauty, inner beauty, education, career, intelligence, etc…I had simply been the right location! I finally get why real estate agents think location is everything. Lol. I guess sometimes it is, even in dating!
Ironically, I had tried so hard to live elsewhere. When thrust into my unexpected life I had tried my utmost to stay in Colorado but even a woman as dense as I can be finally had to admit that for some reason, I was supposed to live in Utah. EVERY thing had worked out for me to live in Utah. But when I had given in to the idea of living in Utah, my plan had been to live in Salt Lake City. And when I couldn’t get that to work out, I had planned to live in several other Salt Lake-area locations, but nothing had worked out for me anywhere but in Utah County. So I ended up in Utah County, commuting to work, but I knew I was where I was supposed to be–for whatever reason. I had assumed it must have been for my children, and maybe it was. But I’d never stopped to think it might also be the best place for me.
So when Bachelor #5 told me the one criteria I fit, I had to laugh. Only I knew that I had tried so hard to work out so many living situations OTHER than Utah County!
Bachelor #5 said he logged on to the singles site one night, input his criteria, and although I shouldn’t have been a match, there I was on his computer. My profile should never have been there, there wasn’t much about my profile that fit the criteria he was looking for: I wasn’t the right age, I had children at home (and one of them was young!), I wasn’t a singer or a performer, but he read my bio anyway and said when he had finished reading, none of his criteria mattered any more. He contacted me, got to know me, eventually asked me out, met my children, and the rest of the story…is still unfolding!
He told me, “All I can tell you is that I feel so good about everything, so at peace with everything, I’m excited to be a part of it all. And I feel very strongly we didn’t find each other on our own. There is no logical way to explain how we found each other; we never should have found each other; we couldn’t have found each other without ‘help’.”
Maybe he was right. I was attending singles activities sometimes (Sunday night meetings and dances, on occasion) but Bachelor #5 NEVER participated in them, so I never would have met him without some help from somewhere. He was online, but I was nothing he was searching for; he shouldn’t have found me based on his search criteria. Add to that, he and I were each online just one month and our one month participation on the same site, out of all the sites there were to choose from, just happened to overlap. Maybe we had been “helped” in finding each other.
Or maybe it was destiny. “Destiny itself is like a wonderful wide tapestry in which every thread is guided by an unspeakably tender hand, placed beside another thread and held and carried by a hundred others.” (Rainer Maria Rilke)
Or serendipity. “Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.” (Lawrence Block)
Or chance. “Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when he does not wish to sign his work.” (Anatole France)
Call it whatever you want–serendipity, destiny, chance, a miracle, a “tender mercy.”
But I began to believe I was on the right path to reach my fairy tale after all. It’s got all the makings of one, even from the very beginning. The only thing missing was “It’s Time.”
The two words Bachelor #5 was waiting to hear.
Oh – you’re killing me. I want to find out what happened. Also I can’t figure out why 48 is so old. The way you talked about his age in the beginning I thought he was sixty or something. 48 is not that much older than you.
I know, I know. Six years isn’t that huge–unless you have gray hair AND a grandchild! But I’m through with the age thing, I think. Until the next strange age issue thing comes up. Haha. Thanks to his agility, speed, flexibility and trampoline skills…I realize it doesn’t matter!:)
🙂
Yep. Something to think about.:)
Your journey never fails to bring tears to my eyes-positive or negative. I love the quote “more will be revealed!” now your beginning to see (already have mire so) WHY things have happened the way they did. Trust and believe it all happens for a reason, thanks for reminding me of that! Sometimes when things are FINALLY going smoothly for me I sometimes become doubtful and impatient….but in time-MORE will be revealed!!
I love that you’ve been sharing your journey with us 🙂
Thanks so much for reading and sharing the journey. I always appreciate your comments, your hope, and the fact that you can relate to so much! It’s always nice to have a friend that gets what you’re going through. And I love that you’re sharing the journey with me.:)
Andrea…I so love to read your blog. It is the first one I go to after reading my email and facebook.
I anxiously await the next installment.
Wishing you a blessed day and blessings from God.
Thank you so much for reading. And thanks for the wish for a great day. I needed to hear it today, how did you know? I hope you have a great day, too…and the next installment is coming tomorrow:)
You must be a procrastinator or something. That is the only thing I can think. Not only are you procrastinating with him. You are procrastinating with us. These post are good and all but get to the “It’s time” already! I am DYING to hear his response! 🙂
And..oh my gosh, 6 years? PLEEESSSE! I though I was picky! LOL! 😉
Ok, somewhat a procrastinator (it’s the journalist in me who thrives under deadline pressure) but also just a little busy. Sometimes, at the end of the day, my fingers are too tired to type any more! lol.
I know, just 6 years. But when gray hair and a grandchild are part of the life experience, it seems so much older to me! But I’m totally past it now…
My grandfather had almost all white hair by the time he was 23. When he came to “court” my grandma, her mother said, “Why are you dating that old man?!” Lol! It’s all relative. No pressure though. We’re all just excited to hear the rest of the story! 🙂
Lol. That is a great story! And I do have to say, I’m just thankful that he has hair. I never thought that was going to part of my fairy tale…
I think “It’s Time” you told us the rest of the story : )
Coming! I just had to make sure you had all of the info before I get to the ending:)
I have been following your blog for awhile and commented once before about the legendary strange guy at BYU that you and I were both aware of but gratefully, neither of us dated.
I have been away for awhile so, behind on your blog. I just got all caught up and I am sooo HAPPY for you. I just can’t help thinking how good Heavenly Father is to us and how perfectly our lives unfold when we turn ourselves over to Him as you have done.
I’m also pretty happy that I was able to read a lot of this story all at once because it may have made me crazy to read little bits at a time–it’s too good! Parts of it remind me so much of my sweet husband and how we came together.
I can’t wait for you to tell him already! He sounds wonderful and like you two (plus your families) will be such a blessing to the other.
…just so happy for you!!
Thanks so much! Glad you’re back. And I AM about to tell him something. I promise.:)