Life is an interesting experience. A ride, complete with highs and lows, ups and downs, totally unplanned derailments, and the occasional unexpected events that force you to change to a completely different ride!
It’s interesting that sometimes we struggle to let go of the old ride, we resist enjoying the new ride we’re blessed with, and we can have a VERY hard time forgiving the people who forced us to leave the old ride we were enjoying.
I have to take a break from blogging my story to share some thoughts on an important concept that has made peace, happiness, joy and moving on possible in the new and unexpected ride of my life. My thoughts are on this: Forgiveness.
Sometimes it feels like it’s in short supply. And as hard as it might be in some instances, it is necessary to forgive others if you truly want to be able to live, or create a life of happiness and joy, especially after unexpected adversity comes. There is no other way. We have to let go, and we HAVE to forgive.
But don’t take my word for it. Take an expert’s. Listen to C. S. Lewis.
Clive Staples Lewis (1898-1963) was one of the intellectual giants of the 20th century and probably the most influential Christian writer of his day. He wrote more than 30 books, and few writers have inspired more readers than he has. His works continue to attract thousands of new readers every year.
Here’s what he said that helps me: “When it comes to a question of our forgiving other people…forgiving does not mean excusing. Many people seem to think it does. They think that if you ask them to forgive someone who has cheated or bullied them you are trying to make out that there was really no cheating or no bullying. But if that were so, there would be nothing to forgive. (This doesn’t mean that you must necessarily believe his next promise. It does mean that you must make every effort to kill every taste of resentment in your own heart–every wish to humiliate or hurt him or to pay him out.) The difference between this situation and the one in which you are asking God’s forgiveness is this. In our own case we accept excuses too easily; in other people’s we do not accept them easily enough.” (Virtue and Vice, page 22)
“I said…that chastity was the most unpopular of the Christian virtues. But I am not sure I was right. I believe there is one even more unpopular. It is laid down in the Christian rule, ‘Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself.’ Because in Christian morals ‘thy neighbor’ includes ‘thy enemy,’ and so we come up against this terrible duty of forgiving our enemies. Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive, as we had during the war. And then, to mention the subject at all is to be greeted with howls of anger. It is not that people think this too high and difficult a virtue: it is that they think it hateful and contemptible. ‘That sort of talk makes them sick,’ they say. And half of you already want to ask me, ‘I wonder how you’d feel about forgiving the Gestapo if you were a Pole or a Jew?’ So do I. I wonder very much…I am not trying to tell you…what I could do…I am telling you what Christianity is. I did not invent it. And there, right in the middle of it, I find ‘Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.’ There is no slightest suggestion that we are offered forgiveness on any other terms. It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we shall not be forgiven. There are no two ways about it.”
As we forgive, especially as we let go in very trying and difficult circumstances, when we rise above the lies, betrayals, greed, crimes, selfishness of others who have hurt us, and any other “bad” thing that happens to us, we are on our way to becoming what we must: better people; better for the experience; better prepared for that which is to come.
As we forgive, it is probably only then that we learn how to truly live.
LOVE C. S. Lewis. What an amazing man who arrived at the understanding we all work toward – then shared it with the world.
I agree. I love C.S. Lewis too.
When did Mormons become Christians ?
This is the best fiction I have ever read
What are you smoking ?
lol. You are too funny! I don’t smoke, never have never will:) Remember, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints choose not to!
i love the part where cs lewis talks about how forgiving is not excusing. i think we do get those confused. i loved the way he explained the difference. great post, but i think there are still those out there that are not ‘getting it.’ i honestly feel bad for them. who wants to spend their lives feeling resentment, hate, and bitterness? i hope someday they understand what a christian truly is…
VERY WELL SAID. I totally agree!
I haven’t read that particular Lewis quote but I like it, the whole forgiving is not excusing part that is.
I must forgive because I am not strong enough to carry the baggage of unforgiveness.
Excellent post!
You are so right…forgiveness is definitely one of the most important things one can do in their own life. I know once I was able to forgive my mom, dad and step dad for certain things I was able to move forward to the wonderful life I now have. I could never have done it (forgiving) without the help of the Lord, a loving and understanding husband, a great therapist and a wonderful pastor ~ all who love the Lord too!
Andrea,
I think you would be interested in the the commmencement speech of Frank Bingham, given just a few days ago. He was chosen by his fellow graduates to give the speech at the University of Denver Sturm College of Law graduation on Saturday. In November 2006, shortly after he started law school, his wife and two children were killed by a drunk driver.
You can watch and listen to it here: http://www.lawweekonline.com/2010/05/frank-binghams-du-law-commencement-speech/
I’ve enjoyed reading your blog from the beginning because my husband and I were victims of another man who ran a Ponzi scheme. You’ve made me see things from another perspective and given me some things to think about.
It’s been 12 years and his name still appears in the newspaper every once in a while. I hate the feeling I get when I see his photo in the paper. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel that he’s gotten what he deserved. Not until he’s paid back ever dollar he stole from us- which will never happen. Today you’ve made me realize that I still have a lot of forgiving to do.
I am sorry you are a victim and am sorry for your loss. Everyone is a loser in a Ponzi scheme, for sure, and I don’t know that anyone ever feels justice is served. Nothing can give you back what you’ve lost, and I’ve been told, no one ever gets paid back what they’re owed either. The good news is you seem to be on your way to healing–you don’t come across as bitter at all. So I hope you’re as good as you sound, and I wish you the best in your continued recovering and forgiving. I guess it’s like every other forgiveness–it’s steps forward, and the occasional step back. So keep moving forward, friend.:) I’m rooting for you!
Thanks Andrea- Our loss was nothing compared to yours and to some others. Your blog is healing to me because it amazes me what you have and are overcoming. I was trying to say that every time I am reminded of it, I hate that he has control over me in this way. I like to think that I am a good person, but he brings out such bad feelings in me. And I realize that I am not over it, even after all these years.
Thank you for sharing your experience and for setting the example for me.
I’ve never heard a better description of forgiveness than this. I’m definitely saving that quote. You’re amazing and I’m so proud of you for recognizing that you have to forgive. No one but Christ would blame you for being bitter, but in the end, no one but Christ matters.
Thanks! And so true.
I agree with what Shari said! …. I must forgive because I am not strong enough to carry the baggage of unforgivness. One will drive themself nuts not letting go. Most days, the best way for me to let go is to look forward to brighter days ahead and focus on the part that I play and what I can do to improve my situation (remembering that thiss too shall pass) and think NOTHING of the man that has caused me to be where I am because if I do, it is all too heavy to carry! Like Shari said!
I totally agree. Well said!