Last night, as I picked my 10 year old up from swim team practice, I was stunned to hear sniffling coming from the backseat as I drove down State Street. I looked in my rear-view mirror and thought I saw him crying. When I asked if he was ok, he told me yes but life is just hard sometimes. “Tomorrow it will be one year, mom. Last year at this time I was making an art project of a ship. Do you remember how well it turned out? And that night is when I found out about everything.” How can a little boy who was only in third grade remember so much about one particular day? Probably for the same reason we all seem to. It was the day our family ended. And I hope soon and someday he gets what I’ve been trying to teach him, and demonstrate to him, for the past 365 days: this latest “project” is going to turn out well, too.
When I woke up this morning, my hand brushed something as I shut off my alarm. It was a note from my two teenagers: “Here’s a little something to brighten your day. We know it has been hard, but we all love you! We are so proud of you for rising to the challenge and living what you have taught us!” I think March 18 is on everyone’s minds. (And I promise, I don’t walk around talking about it with my kids. Hmm…I wonder if they have discovered this blog?:)
Anyway, life didn’t turn out QUITE as I expected it to. Here’s why.
Last March 18 I dropped my three-year-old off at preschool. I had a plan for the 2-3 hours he was going to be gone. And then my spouse called me on my cell phone. “What are you doing this morning?” he asked.
I told him my plan and he told me he had hoped to spend time with me. I invited him to join me doing what I had planned. He told me he didn’t have that much time. I asked him how much time he needed, he told me (it was the same amount of time it would have taken to do my activity, and when I pointed that out he told me he wasn’t going to do that activity with me.) So like the flexible, kind wife that supported all of his dreams that I’d always tried to be, I turned the car around and headed home to spend time with him. I had no idea I was turning around so he could destroy all of my dreams.
Before I reached home, he called my cell phone again and asked me to meet him in the motor home. He loved that thing. (I hated it, had never wanted it, but had supported him in that dream as well.) Looking back, it was probably a bit odd for him to request I meet him there. But then again, I had no idea what was about to go down.
Everything.
I walked in and he was talking on the phone to someone. (Not unusual. He had spent his days and nights calling clients and putting business deals together our entire marriage.) I sat at the table, waited for him to finish his phone call, and happened to glance to the left where I saw a yellow legal pad with names written on it: Market Street Advisors, C.G.Boerner, Majestic Mountain Construction and Impressions Everlasting. The only thing I knew about anything on that list was that they were my spouse’s business ventures. I didn’t have anything to do with them. I figured he’d been doodling or making one of the endless lists he was famous for writing down on yellow legal pads. I was wrong.
He hung up the phone, sat across the table from me, folded his hands together on the tabletop and paused. I looked at the legal pad, slid it across the table to him, and asked, “What’s this?”
He replied, “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” In a voice as calm and unemotional as I’d ever witnessed. Nothing about his performance tipped me off as to what was about to happen.
Turns out, that yellow legal pad was a list, but only the beginning, of the lies I didn’t know he had been telling me and everyone else…for over 16 years.
It’s still not quite real. The fall out is, of course. But everything else STILL doesn’t seem real. And without warning, I found out everything I thought was real, actually wasn’t.
“My company, Market Street Advisors, is a sham.”
One simple sentence, and the complicated web of choices, actions and decisions of ONE person, the man I’d known since 1988 but apparently hadn’t known at all, shattered my world.
March 18, 2009.
But I didn’t get it. Yet.
I know it showed in my face. I didn’t have a clue what he was telling me. My first thought (always a party or holiday thought at that stage of my life!) was, “Is this an early April Fool’s joke? Doesn’t he remember yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day? Boy, does he have his dates wrong! What kind of joke is he trying to play?” All I could do was look at him with a puzzled expression on my face.
Suddenly, in spite of my education and my knowledge of English and vocabulary, I didn’t understand the word “sham.”
He explained, “My company isn’t real. It’s a sham, and has been from the very beginning. I’ve been running a ponzi scheme for the past 16 years.”
I didn’t know what a ponzi scheme was.
I’d heard mention of a ponzi scheme on the news, I’d heard the name Bernie Madoff, I knew he had done something illegal, I knew a lot of people were mad at him and what he had done, but I didn’t understand what it was he, or my spouse, had done.
I got the condensed version. What I was told left me in complete and utter shock. But it didn’t stop there.
My spouse told me he had hired an attorney (that was the day he got dressed up and “went to meet a prospective client” downtown, came home, had dinner with the family, had family home evening with the family, and had family scripture study and family prayer with the family.) He told me he had already turned himself in to the government authorities and to our church leaders (that was the night he missed dinner to meet with a church leader and then came home and watched American Idol with us, as usual.) He told me he would be going to prison and getting excommunicated from our church. He also told me everything had been seized (I didn’t know what that meant but was too shocked to ask–he was still talking.) He told me I would be left alone to raise our children. And he told me I needed to hire an attorney right away but he’d maxed out all of our credit cards paying for his.
I was shocked. I was stunned. I was confused. I was scared. I was devastated. And at the same time, I didn’t know what I thought or felt.
All I knew was that I had been thrown out of an airplane…without a parachute.
What was I going to do?
Andrea we just love you and your family. Keep on writing! Cheaper than therapy!
Thanks for reading, commenting, for being a listening ear, and for coming all the way to Utah to keep me looking good in my new and unexpected life. You are the best! I appreciate your friendship and support more than I can say. YOU are fabulous!
i am so glad you have moved on in such a great way. so many horrible things have happened this last year, but look at how far you have come. i am so proud to call you my sister and to know you at all. you are an amazing person. thank you for your example and for sharing your tragedy so that we may learn from it!
Thanks for all you have done to be there for me and to help me move on. I am proud to call you my sister and appreciate your excellent and sensible advice and support. And thanks for the flowers today! What a surprise, but they made my day! The whole office was thrilled I got a surprise delivery!
Andrea, you are just an inspiration and I enjoy reading this blog of yours so much….although Im saddened by everything that has happened, your courage and attitude are something you can be very proud of. And on a side note, you are an amazing author….I would not be at all surprised to see you published someday…you should definately pursue it. As always your family is in my prayers.
Crista
Thanks for reading my blog and taking the time to comment. THanks, also, for your prayers. My children and I have been blessed with many miracles this past year, and I know it is the result of much faith and prayers on our behalf. Thanks again!
Andrea,
As I read your posts each day, I am drawn to you as if we might have known each other for a long time.
We will probably never meet in person, but you are in my thoughts and prayers each day.
My husband has been in real estate for 31 years and we have struggled for a large part of that. He joined the church and prior to joining the church, we never had a worry or so it seemed. But when he joined the church, everything business wise seemed to be an uphill battle continually.
He has never compromised his integrity to “get” business deals and at times when a listing ran out, the day after, the Seller would sell it to someone he had in the wings and we were left without receiving a commission. We have always been full tithe payers, faithful in our temple convenants and willing to serve where ever we have been asked to serve.
In 2002 he decided to run for the US Congress. He had grown up on a ranch in a small southern NM county and wanted to help the rural areas, so he said we were moving to this small community where he had been raised. I cried alot, I didn’t want to move, but we did and for the first 18 months, I cried, I tried to find a job, all my children had left home, my youngest just started college, no kids, no job, no friends. Well, he didn’t win. He ran again for the Public Regulation Commission in 2006 won the Primary, but lost the General and ran again in 2008 for the US Congress and lost.
People in this community that have known him his whole life have abandoned him, mostly because he is Mormon and his family are all Catholic. This community doesn’t welcome “outsiders”, as I am referred to, and because we don’t lie, cheat, steal and drink we aren’t in the “cool” group.
Why I share these things with you is to let you know that I feel your pain and like so many women in the church, sometimes we aren’t sure we can make it through another day without friends or someone who lets us know we matter.
I am letting you know that you matter and I consider you a friend, a new found friend that I so very much needed. As you share you story, you are helping more than you know.
May God Bless You and Your Family!
Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing your story with me. I am so thrilled to have a new friend and am grateful to help in any way that I can. My thoughts and prayers are with YOU. Please keep in touch!:)
Andrea, I just want you to know how PROUD of you I am and the example you have been to me. I have been there with you from the beginning and have been amazed at how strong you are, WOW. You have come a long way. You are a Beautiful lady and a true example of Christ. I am grateful to count you as one of my Eternal friends! I Love You…JC
Thanks for your comment and for reading my blog and for being one of the few who braved her way through the media crush and angry neighbors to check on me! You are a true friend!
I love you dearly. thank you for sharing your story. you are truly buoying people up, making so many stronger, and smarter and reminding us to THINK and Listen to even the small things that happen in our lives. You are an inspiration. hope your MARCH 18th is a wonderful day filled with the love you deserve from your cute family and extended as well. thinking of you with a WARM heart today.
Thanks for reading and for your kind words, cousin. Today actually has been a good day. I have definitely been blessed with lots of kind thoughts and words and I appreciate each and every one of them, and everyone who took the time to make them!
The whole thing kind of makes me sick to my stomach – I don’t think my imagination is capable of grasping what it must have done (and still does) to you. I assume that’s one of the benefits of writing this blog!
Yep. I felt like throwing up for months! lol. Unfortunately, that feeling didn’t result in weight loss.:) However, the more I finally speak about it (and write about it) the less affect it has on me. Thanks for sharing it with me!
Andrea! I’ve been out of town for the last couple of weeks and without very much access to the internet…so I’ve spent the last hour reading all your posts from the beginning. I love that you are doing this. What a great way to process. I think you deserve to tell your story, your own way.
Like I’ve told you before…you are who you always said you were…despite it all. Love you and your courage and optimism and realness and goodness…etc, etc, etc.
Miss you and your darling kids.
P.S. Zack says, “Andrea rocks”…
So you have that. 😉
Hope your trip was a wonderful memory. You didn’t miss much while you were gone…EXCEPT the launch of my blog!lol. It is good to tell my story my way–thanks for reading my blog and taking the time to comment. We miss you too. And tell Zack thanks for his good advice and his good example. Andy AND I have remembered how he helped us. We are doing well and are enjoying our new life!
Andrea,
I am so glad that you found me on Facebook. Over the last year, Tyler and I have often thought of you, prayed for you, and wondered how you and the kids were doing. I am very grateful that through this blog we will be able to “keep in touch”. You have made an impact in my life, even before the events that the last year has thrown at you. I remember moving in to the ward as newlyweds, and watching you and thinking you were just the kind of wife and mother that I wanted to be. You always were, and continue to be, a wonderful example of grace, dignity, compassion, service, and love. I have such treasured memories of you helping Tyler and I feel comfortable as “youngins” in the ward, living in my parents basement. Of Tyler being blessed to be your home teacher. And then, even years later when we had a home and a ward of our own, you would always go out of your way to say hello and ask about the kids. I miss the pleasant surprise of running into you at stake functions, but I am so glad that you guys are doing well. Thank you for “baring your soul”, for giving many of us a reminder of all that we have to be grateful for. We hope someday to see you all again, and send our love and prayers. You are amazing!
Thanks for much for reading my blog and for taking the time to send me a comment! I love and appreciate it, and you, and your husband. You are great, impressive, good people who practice what they preach. (My favorite type of people!lol) It has been my pleausre to watch you live your life, grow up, get married, become a mom, and serve others to make the world a better place. You are an amazing and inspiring woman, and I am blessed to have you in my life. I miss running in to you, too. But I am happy we now can stay in touch due to my excellent stalking skills and the ability to track you down!:) Thanks, again, for reading.
Hi Andrea
For the little I know about you, having just met you through your blog (sent by your sister via MckMama Community) I see your strength and faith in the Lord. You are an encourager and I wanted you to know that.
What a difficult day you had one year ago. I am so glad to see you have made it through the one year mark. You have conquered many firsts in this past year. You should be proud of yourself for the great job you have continued to do as a woman and a mom.
Keep writing, from experience there is lots of healing in writing.
This whole blogging this is amazing to me–to make new friends is truly a blessing. I appreciate your kind thoughts and the encouragement you sent my way. And don’t worry, I will keep writing. I’m already seeing what you’re talking about and I hope you stick with me through the healing! Thanks, again, for reading and sharing your thoughts.
Andrea,
It is hard to believe it has been a year. I feel bad because I have wanted to be much more of a support than I have been.
I find I keep repeating a pattern; I respond quickly to most emails, but those that require more sensitivity I set off to the side for when I will have more time to dedicate to my response. The result? “More time” never appears and so the important responses get delayed for prolonged periods of time. So sorry.
I stand in awe of you as I read your words. You are strong and sensitive. You have been bent, but not broken. You are now reaching out and touching many lives, again, as only your spirit and your circumstances allow. You remind me of a scripture; “blessed art thou amongst women.”
Thanks for reading and commenting and for being a faithful home teacher many years ago who STILL keeps tabs on me–even from South America! You have been a support to me. I know you are there, you check on me periodically, and your wife has given me some of the best advice I’ve gotten (and applied) in my new life. When I first arrived to Utah, and hardly knew anyone, you both were there for me via email. I needed it. I appreciate that you were there. And you helped me more than you know! Stay tuned! lol
You are such an example of faith. Thank you for choosing strength over fear through writing this blog. Your testimony has already touched my heart and I know it will touch many more.
Thanks for taking the time to contact me. I appreciate your support and will continue to attempt to be strong and to share my testimony in what I write, but hopefully most, by the way I live. Thanks, also, for reading this blog. It means a lot!
Andrea, you are truly amazing. We are all thinking of you and know that you will continue to be blessed for being such an amazing woman and mother. I pray so much that my kids will be half as amazing and yours. I keep looking back at some notes I took when you taught in church once. The thought “It’s not the boulders in your path but the pebbles in your shoe” continues to come back to me and I think about how even this incredibly huge boulder couldn’t bring you down. You keep on going and are an inspiration to all of us. We love you. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you, thank you for your kind comments. I love and appreciate them, they lift me up, and help me keep going forward. (And the fact that SUCH a reader takes time to read my blog REALLY means a lot! I know I have a lot of competition in your busy life!lol) I love you and am so thankful we got to know each other and that you’ve kept in touch with me when I’ve been so frazzled for a year. Someday I am going to do MORE than reply. I will actually write first!lol
Andrea – Throughout this whole experience and the changes in your life, you have continued to be true to who you are – strong, compassionate, kind, a great example, a leader, an incredible mother, and so many other things that continue to inspire me and anyone who knows you! Your blog is a beautiful thing, and I’m glad you are able to share your story, even though it is a story that we all wish wasn’t real. You are a hero in my life and such a dear friend! Our thoughts and love are with you!
Thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment–I don’t know how you found the time! But I really appreciate the things you said (more than you know.) I think I’d like to frame them and hang them where I can see them every day! Thank you for your friendship and for always being there for me–before 2009, during 2009, and after. You have been a blessing in my old life and the unexpected one, and are one reason we continue to make it! Now…when are we going to see NEW MOON? It’s almost out on DVD, my friend! (I still haven’t seen it…)
My prayers are with you.
Thank you for your kind comment and for taking the time to read my blog. If you stay tuned, hopefully I’ll be able to share exactly how blessed I have been–and I know it is due, in large part, to prayer and the fact that prayers are answered. Thanks for sharing my life with me.
Fortunately, we don’t have to give anyone else power to end our future or change our perspective. We have power over our outlook and what we do with it. You have shown strength and determination when many could have condoned defeat. Instead, you have acted on the “What am I going to do about it?” plan. Your family sounds very close and supportive which will help you all keep stepping forward. Good for you! Go for it. You deserve greatness.
Thanks for reading my blog and taking the time to comment. (I thought I said this already somewhere but lost it, so here I go again!) One of the blessings of my new and unexpected life was getting meet and become friends with inspiring, good people like you. I appreciate our chats, your life perspective, and the many countless acts of service you do for others every day that make their day “sweeter!” Thank you, thank you!
Andrea, I didn’t realize you were updating so frequently, I was so excited to see there were so many posts and that you were going to share your entire story. It is so well written and sincere I actually waited until my kids were in bed and the house was quiet so I could read it. I can’t begin to understand your emotions, so thanks for giving us a glimpse. As traumatic as the situation is, your perspective isn’t depressing but uplifting – so the irony for me is that I’m reading this sad nonfiction story of someone I love and respect and feeling energized and like I could conquer the world (I just got caught up on previous entries too). And it’s not because of the “someone else has always got it tougher than you” syndrome but it’s because the way you’ve handled things is completely relevent to my relatively small problems. I know this is a strange comment to put on this entry – thanks again for sharing the experience from your perspective I have thought many times how the entire thing come out and it’s almost worse than I imagined – but I guess the comments for the entire blog. You are awesome, I will definitely check in more often!
Thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog (and life!) I love you and am thankful what I have to say is interesting enough for a talented and busy mom to take time our of her schedule to share my experiences with me! YOU are an example of cheer, optimism, and happiness–I love people who choose to live life like that. But I can’t expect anything less from the daughter of your mother! I hope you check in more often AND that we get to see each other in 2010!
Hi Andrea,
I stumbled upon your blog through the grapevine..There are many of us here, residing in your former life who love you and your family and are rooting for you! For your tearful 10 year old boy (and the rest of your kids), I have been tearful, too. Your family has endured much- yet you are an incredible example to your kids. You are an amazing woman, and mom and I am glad to hear that you are healing. I am sucked in by your writing, and am thankful to have a way to “hear” how things are going with you guys. Please give your third grader a giant hug from me….and tell him I miss him. Keep on your path, girl. It’s working!
Much love,
Lia Finch
So glad you found us through my blog, it is good to get in touch with you again! I appreciate your support and have passed your message along to my 10-year-old. He says to tell you to continue to be a good teacher to your 2nd graders to that they will love you and never forget you like he does. He also says hello and that he misses you! Please keep reading and I will providing updates. (My blog is a bit behind real life! lol) Thanks again for finding us for saying hello. We miss you and our friends from our former life.