I had a great circle of friends in Colorado who took me out to dinner every month during 2009, during my nightmare. They were an absolute blessing to me. Here are just a few of the reasons why.
First, we talked and laughed. I can’t tell you how much it helped me to laugh, hard, at some of the crazy and unexpected things I was going through. It was exactly what I needed. (And sometimes we just shook our heads at the events. Sometimes that is all you can do in an unexpected life.)
Second, they asked me thoughtful questions and I answered them, and in doing so, got free therapy and their wise perspectives about my situation and things I was immediately facing. They are sharp, smart, educated and “together” women and it was so helpful to get their counsel as to what they thought I should do.
Third, eating out (when I was mostly living on food storage) was a treat! Our meals were delicious–The Cheesecake Factory, Counter, Costa Vida, etc… Those nights were standout “bright spots” in my life when almost everything else I was facing at that present time, and in the future, seemed overwhelmingly dismal.
We stayed out late every time we went out, and one night, my spouse called at 10:45 p.m. to make sure I was ok. When I arrived home, and as I climbed the stairs to my bedroom in my darkened house that night, I was struck by the realization that that was probably the last time in my life someone would worry that I wasn’t home and call to check on me and make sure that I was ok. My parents were dead. I was soon to be divorced; single and alone in the world. I was moving to a new state where no one knew me. No one would be worrying about me or calling to check on me any more.
It was such a powerful epiphany that it became almost a physical sensation to me. I dropped down on the stair where I stepped and cried. In the dark. All alone. I certainly was NOT ending up with the life I had worked toward and dreamed of! Everything was SO unexpected. There was a lot of grief in that moment. (I think that is what made that time so difficult–the absolute grief at what had transpired and the consequences that resulted. There were such extreme highs and lows–out with friends having a GREAT time, seconds later indulging in my grief in the dark on the stairs.)
But fortunately for me, I was so wrong.
It’s 13 months post the day my nightmare began, and little by little, very slowly, and thanks to so many good people in the world who have shown me empathy, compassion, and kindness I am waking from the scary dream I unexpectedly was forced to live. And you know what? I am not alone. I have friends, old and new, who check on me every week or every month or as they feel inspired to. I can’t express what that means to me. I hope I am always that kind of friend to them and others who cross my path.
This was reinforced to me as recently as earlier this week. Lately, life has been hectic and I’ve been more sporadic than I would like to have been about writing in this blog. Someone I haven’t even met (yet) emailed me through this blog to check on me! They said it had been a few days since I had written and they wanted to make sure I was ok! If they only knew my thoughts one year ago they would better understand how much their gesture touched me, made my day (and got me to make time to blog/write again!) I couldn’t help but think back to that night I felt such darkness about the fact no one would ever check on me or worry about me or wonder if I was ok again. I was so wrong!
Thanks to the good people in this world, the kindness of friends I haven’t met yet, the wonderful world of blogs and the many amazing people who don’t suppress their generous thoughts, I am not alone. People do check on me. How grateful I am for the friends I’ve connected with via this blog and for the new friends I have made that I haven’t even met yet. As it’s my first foray into blogging, I absolutely had no idea what to expect. But my experience has been miraculous.
I want each of you reading to know how much your friendship and support means to me. I am so gratified that anyone finds my story, or my perspective of life, worth reading. I am grateful for your comments and to hear what you think. I appreciate your support.
What a blessing we can be in the lives of those we reach out to.
You all have been that, to me, in mine. I thank you for that.
“You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what’s a life anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that.” (Charlotte, “Charlotte’s Web”)
Thanks for reading, for being my friends…and for lifting up my life.
I love reading your blog. I would drive north just to give you a hug. Thank YOU for sharing such a time in your life. Your words are so healing and bring such comfort.
I am so glad that you have friends that can help. Good friends do help get us through some hard things.
Happy weekend to you and your family.
Thank you, thank you for the hug via your comment! What a wonderful blogger friend you are!
NO ANDREA…THANK YOU! You have set the example of how to be “an elect lady” and I thank you for that. You have taught me that EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT HAVE THE RIGHT TO…wallowing in self-pity hurts no one, but yourself. You have shown great grace and dignity in the face of HORRIBLE detractors. Honestly, it kind of reminds me a little of a wonderful man named Joseph, and his brother Hyrum, and how they too faced similar life altertering, and eventual life ending, trials and did so with grace, dignity, and a Christ-like love with an eye single to the Glory of God. I am TRULY impressed and motivated to be more like you.
May God continue to bless you and yours, as well as those who were deceived and devastated by the evil that was placed upon them by a deceiving, manipulative, liar.
Another awesome comment from an awesome woman.
. . . and YOU for being mine, friendship is timeless and a treasure to be cherished, know that I always will.
Thanks, Paris. Or are you Brittany?lol
You are an amazing person. Our problems are polar opposites, yet every time I read your blog, I am comforted by your words of wisdom, spirit, and strength. Thank you for helping me to laugh and be happy through lifes refining fire.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I am so thankful you take the time to read my thoughts and I am glad you’ve been able to find some meaning in them. Welcome to my life and my rants! I appreciate making a new blogger friend.
Thank you for welcoming me into your life.
Welcome, welcome! I am so glad you are here.
I love your blog and it’s funny that you write about not posting for a few days…. your daily post is one of the first things I check for on my email alerts! When you and family went on vacation over spring break, it took me awhile to figure out (via Hans) that you were gone and not writing daily!
Yes, when I didn’t see your post for a few days earlier this week, I started worrying that you and your family were okay! You have no idea how much of an inspiration your writing is for me personally…. I don’t know how much you have heard via the friendship of both our eldest children but we have had BIG changes in our life the last 2 years….as a result of those changes, we have moved…not by choice but survival (few miles away but still a big change) and are slowly starting to rebuild. These changes in my life are NOWHERE on the same scale as what you have had and continue to go through….what you write about has helped me in so many ways that I can’t put into words. I have cried many times while reading your posts but those tears are such a release of alot of stuff that needed to just get out…call it therapy!!
I truly believe that God does not give us more than we can handle and that everything happens for a reason. We just need to have open hearts and eyes, etc. so that we can truly see what He has blessed us with in the midst of our troubles.
You are a blessing…..thank you!!!
Thanks for reading and for looking for my posts. I am sorry you’ve had to endure changes, but glad you and your family are coming out on top. I agree that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle (sometimes that is a bummer, though!lol)
I found your blog on Rabbit in the Headlights and have been following it since (and I’ve read through your archives). Consider me your newest friend (in Boston)! I have something I’d like to mail to you (you can email me your address to patton_ellen@hotmail.com). Happy Friday!
Thank you! Welcome to my life, Boston friend! I appreciate your friendship and support.
There isn’t much sweeter than a true friend. I’m glad you realize are “surrounded” by lots of people who do love you, care about you, and think you are fantastic.
Thanks. I agree. I couldn’t get by without my friends.
I look forward to seeing you in my Google Reader everyday!
Thanks! I am happy to be there! I appreciate your willingness to share my life.
I just wanted to reinforce that you are not alone. Our family thinks of you and your children often and you are also kept in our prayers. Thank you for writing your thoughts and experiences. You are such a wonderful example of how true Christians should be.
Thanks so much for thinking of my children and I and for praying for us. I know we are where we are at thanks to the many prayers on our behalf. I appreciate the friendship and support.
I am sure ‘what comes around goes around’ – I am sure your service to others seemed to be normal to you but I am sure that you are reaping the benefits of that service.
It is nice to know that even tho’ some people choose to be act ugly, others are there to shore us up, check on us and geniunely care for us.
I really enjoy your ability to paint a picture with words.
Thanks,
Karen Naughton Cole
Thanks so much for your kind words. I am so grateful for people who choose to be kind. I have been blessed by them, for sure.
I am reading all your entries since Vern linked me to you. I am so impressed by your attitude and love your writing. You really touch me! I will continue to check in as well : )
PS LOVE LOVE Charlotte’s Web
Thanks for reading. I appreciate your kind comment. And…I LOVE Charlotte’s Web too!
Thanks Andrea for sharing your story. It is so amazing to hear your experience through a very difficult time. It is really inspiring!
Thanks for reading and enduring my story! I appreciate your friendship and support!
Hey, I will check on you occasionally. I do think of you often and nobody should have to go through what you have. But it is good to know that you are doing better. So Andrea how are you doing?
Thank you for reading and checking on me. And I really am doing very well. We are all healthy, happy, and healed (or mostly healed!) Every day we have genuine smiles, laughter and dance parties! And food to eat, a roof over our heads, and I have a job. It doesn’t get much better than that!:)
Thank you so much for writing your story and sharing it with all of us. I found it through Jordan’s blog, and she is a family friend. I have read every entry and love getting the email updates when there’s a new post. I simply love your writing style!
All the technicalities aside, I have felt like I’ve been on the roller coaster with you, as you are so descriptive. I’ve never been in love, but I can some how relate on a small level to your emotions of betrayal and disappointment. I have been inspired by your ways of taking the high road when you didn’t have to. You chose/choose to. And I appreciate your example of choosing the right. May Heavenly Father continue to watch over and bless you and yours through miracle mail and other tender mercies. Thanks again!
Thank you, thank you for reading and commenting. And thanks for your kind words. I am so thankful to make a new friend. All the best to you in your life. Thanks for sharing my life with me.
I will check on you too. I love this blog!
Thank you! I need someone to check on me!:)
Andrea, THANK YOU for sharing your story. I find myself constantly talking about your experiences with other people and I tell them to read your blog. They look at me like…ok? You are reading some stranger’s blog and now you want me to? Haha…It’s a high-light to my day and I think often of your example. Thank you for that!
If there is one thing I have learned in my life (and I have had times where I felt completely alone and mortified by someone I love’s actions) it’s that we REALLY are never alone. I remember a time when I was struggling with something VERY personal. No one knew the sorrow I was in. Every act of kindness from friends and strangers held me up and helped me to see that I have a loving Heavenly Father who loves me and shows his love through his servants. My goal in life is to ALWAYS be an instrument in His hands so that I can help those who suffer…whether I know they are suffering or not. Your suffering was out there for the world to see (well…some of it anyway…nobody really knows EXACTLY what YOU were experiencing every second of every day,) and all your relationships went through a major test and I am sorry for the friends…or so called friends you lost but how wonderful it is that you still have friends, and even strangers now, who have stayed with you during your refiner’s fire!
Thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. And you are right, we never REALLY are alone, in spite of how we feel. That is one very important truth that was reinforced to me the past year for sure. I am thankful for my new blogger friends!
Andrea
Enjoyed your post today. It was a reminder to be thankful for the little things that happen each day.
I do have a question, why/how did you choose Utah to resettle in, especially since you didn’t know anyone there.
Hope you have a blessed day.
Thanks for reading and commenting. My choice of Utah will probably be a blog post, but the short answer is that I chose Utah because I got a job here. (You go where the job is, you know?) And, I did go to college here, so it had been familiar at one time. I love the mountains here and took comfort in seeing them every day. We are happy.
You have to know how much I enjoy your blog. (Please forgive the long story as I get to my point.)
I am a writer. I have lots of writer friends which means lots of blogs I follow and lots of blogs on my blogroll. I search through them all to find yours. Yours is the one that I want to read above all the rest. That is how much difference you are making.
Thanks for letting me be your blogger friend. Even though we’ve never met, I think you are awesome. Thanks for sharing your story and your thoughts.
Thank you so much for your kind words about my blog. I am so honored that you read my blog when you are a writer yourself. That is HUGE. I am thankful for a blogger friend and to you for sharing my story with me.
You DO have new friends and people who pray for you on a daily basis, even people who don’t know you except through your blog.
My sister-in-law, Debbie Gibbons, introduced me to your blog through her family blog; I’m single too and have been since my daughter was 8-months old. Although my situation is very different than your own, I too know how it feels to be alone, trying to do it by yourself. However, I also know of our Father in Heaven’s tender mercies, these wonderful blessings He gives us on a daily basis. Each day you will have the opportunity of seeing at least one tender mercy; I’m still seeing blessings every day even though it’s been 14 years of “singlehood”. My quest for each day is to find those blessings.
Hang in there Andrea, many prayers are going up in your behalf, and will continue to do so while we’re here on the earth acting as His Eyes, Ears and Hands! Thank you for posting your blog, as it has become a tender mercy in my life.
Denise
Hello and welcome to my blog! Thanks for reading and thanks for the words of encouragement. You are an example to me and I will continue to hang in there. Thanks for sharing my life.
Hello again,
I am sooo glad you are back. When a few days past….I thought that “her life is as crazy and hectic as mine” I felt a true connection again, thinking how really CRAZY your life must be. But to quote Tim Gunn you always seem to “Make it Work”. LOL I admire so many of your wonderful qualities. I missed your blog and just got on at work and now I am teary eyed after reading that last post….I had to do some catching up. Please remember that I think of you daily and miss it when you’re gone…but I totally get it. I better get back to my classroom of kids, now that my eyes have dried. Ha ha ha ha Love you and can’t wait to get together. Thanks again for helping me keep everything in FOCUS and remembering what is important.
OXOXOXOX
Yes, I am mostly back. But lots is happening in life, in the blog and out of it! I will try to write regularly and continue to make it all work! lol. That is an awesome comment!
Andrea,
Hi. Remember me? I wondered what had happened to you, but earlier today Steve Stock and I were doing our home teaching and your name came up. Do you know Deb Alberter? She told me about your blog and how much she get from reading it.
I thought you might enjoy this quote by Nicholas Chamfort: “Happiness is no simple thing. It’s hard find it within ourselves and impossible to find it anywhere else.”
Ed
Of course I remember you! I wish you were here whistling for me right now. My kids would be amazed. Thanks so much for reading, commenting, and tracking me down! You are a good man. Glad to know you’re well, and I appreciate the quote you sent me too.